Hello to me myself and i (future self)

Well i thought, since it been quite a rough week for me, i shall just record it somewhere so that i could read it some time.

Lets begin,

It was tough when i started working, really tough that i do not want to go through it again and just by imagining it terrifies me.
But what choice do i have aside from quitting? I love my job, yes i do. But the core of my job.
And now this week, its all over again for me. From scratch. It is not as easy as just applying what you learn, its about knowing what you learn, do it 10x faster, pressure, know the practise and if you messed it up, yeah, 14hrs of nagging, pulling you down lecture. Maybe im just suay that i always got these people, why cant they teach instead of making others feel small and useless when they alrdy feel worse. But people take time. No one is born perfect. Im sure they were a bunch of headless chicken when they started too.
I dont want to go through this again. Im comfortable here. :(
So as you may guessed it, i got the pulling me down, crushing my motivation moment.they call it hard love. To me they r just sad with their lives.
Trust me, as i sat down, i felt like quitting.
Thinking if i can take the constant criticize , being yelled at, being incompetent and picked on.
Im a cry baby. I know. Call me the strawberry gen watever. I have feelings. But, we cant cry everytime we are being corrected( im fine if its work related but usually is cus they just want to show their power) and they want to see how far can we go till we cry.
The way some correct us, let me tell you, very rude.
I try my best to stay professional so i bottled it up unknowingly.
Its depressing. How i wish i can fast forward this phase.

Aside from work, well, i really dont need fake friends.
Some need those to make use of them.
I appreciate honest friends.
Yes, i am judgmental. But im not bais when getting to know you. I'll give 100 percent. Then i'll see if you will reciprocate it. Im not here to boost your ego, constantly buying you drinks or to help you buy ur branded stuff.
Im sick of it. If you say, you dont like certain things. I respect it. Really.im not saying you have to support it, just respect it. But why is it so hard? I feel like crap if i dont.
And i dont need friends i cant rely on. What are they for? Im taught from young to value friendship. Thats why im very particular about it. Because im one of those you can count on when you need help.  In my family, we dont depend on relatives, but friends.
Its really sad when you realized, you actually only have yourself. And envy people with true friends, no mtter how cliche it may sound.

Goodnight

Fri, 8th may 2015.